I considered changing the heading to “Inside the head of a woman” but someone mentioned today how young I was (since I’m only turning 29 in August) so I will take that compliment to head and stick to “girl”.
On that note, I’m not afraid of or worried about getting older and 30 isn’t a fear for me nor is it a death sentence. I spoke to a colleague this week about the fact that, even though younger girls have asses that sit as high as their bra-strap and our bodies (the women who have had the privilege of having children) have kind of just, not really sagged, but become softer and curvier, I would not exchange my years of experience and tough lessons learnt for a matric girl’s body. I remember when I was dancing for the Blue Bulls everything was tight and firm and perfect, and now, even though I don’t necessarily look like I’ve borne life, I can attest to the fact that everything is a bit softer than my 22-year-old splitting on Loftus in high-heeled boots and barely there hot-pants self. And I prefer myself now, it’s as if the softer stomach and wider hips are like a right of passage. As if they say “I’ve lived, I’ve hurt, I’ve been hurt, I’ve learnt and what I’ve forgotten these young girls still need to learn”. These hips don’t lie 😉
Lately, however, I have been bombarded with social media pictures of perfection. One girl’s body is looking better than the next, flawless make-up, extensions for days and Forever New adorns their shoulders like they’re sponsored by the amazing fashion brand. And I have been battling to feel good about myself for quite some time now. Then, yesterday, I read an Instagram post of Alexa Jean (Follow Alexa Jean on Instagram) where she got real about certain things about her and what a mission it was to take the (seemingly perfect) photo. That made me think about the things that I should get real about. So many people are under the impression that I am super-mom who juggles life and does it with an amazing sense of humour. But the truth is that I suffer from extreme depression and sometimes (for a week at a time) find it extremely difficult to get out of bed, which I do because I have to and my debit orders require me to keep my job and my conscience requires me to be there for my husband and son. Another insecurity is the fear of being “found out”. This is a fear that so many women suffer from. The fear that someone will “find out” that they are not quite as capable of doing their job as people think, the fear that people will “find out” that they are actually stupid and have just been winging it all their lives. The fear that if someone had to see them in their natural form (sans make-up, tan and hair done) that they will “find out” that they aren’t as attractive as they look with all that stuff. I am a huge comparer. And like Cameron Diaz says, comparison is the thief of joy. My husband and I also fight. In fact, we fought last night about nothing specific…which brings me to my next random thought…
I don’t believe in the marriage advice that you shouldn’t go to bed angry. I rather believe that a good sleep, good laugh or a good cry can cure many things. There have been a few times where a disagreement between my husband and I seem less important / serious the following morning than it did before. The Bible says “don’t let the sun go down on your anger” and I believe that to rather mean that we shouldn’t harbour anger in our hearts. No matter what disagreement my husband and I may have my heart isn’t filled with anger or resentment towards him. We may be annoyed with each other but the following picture represents how a couple should be when they argue:
Then my mind has been wandering to misimpressions. In gym today we had a conversation about how people are formed by the opinions of others. I’m not going to give our personal account of this so that no names are mentioned or identities guessed. But let me put it this way: If your friend Jack comes to you and says that Jill is x, y, z (and x, y, z is bad) would you automatically take Jack’s subjective point-of-view or decide that everyone deserves a fair chance? I’m not talking about your friend coming to you with a broken arm and a blue-eye telling you that her husband is hitting her and you still decide to give him a chance (even though that may be a reality), but I’m talking about a subjective “I don’t like them because they did this and that to me and I was offended”. I have learnt that there are three sides to every story, my side, your side and the truth. The other misimpressions that I have been thinking about it the image portrayed by other people. We are so quick to think that another person has it so easy, but when we see the behind-the-scenes we are quite grateful for our lives and would face our battles any day before facing someone else’s.
I have also thought about the things that all women do that is unspoken, but reality. If you’re a guy and you’re squeamish / easily bored, browse through to the end:
- I don’t have time (or budget) to go for my nails every three weeks. So by week two and a half (my nails grow very fast) I need to start filing my nails down and paint over them. Every woman I know does this and we are masters at having our nails look beautiful from far, but far from beautiful.
- Say “yes” because we don’t want to offend someone. When a shop assistant suggests a lipstick that would suit you. Or your nail tech gives an idea of what colour toes will match your nails, when you actually had something else in mind but it’s toes and it’s winter so you’re not going to disagree.
- Attempt to do our make up the way Lauren Curtis or Chloe Boucher does it on their YouTube Channels and then realise that your face isn’t their face and you just look weird instead of dewy and fresh.
- Not wax. Who has the patience to let their hair first grow out before they go for a wax? I don’t like hair, I don’t like being hairy and I don’t have the time to lie down for a wax to have my whole body fuzz-free. Sure waxing is effective and smoother than shaving. But I don’t know one girl who waits three weeks and waxes. Whatever it takes to be well-kept, clean and, uh, smooth, we go to those lengths even if they aren’t as elegant as having it done in a salon.
- Lie about time. We lie about in how long we will be ready, what time we will be there and how far away we are. After all, every woman worth her weight in street-wisdom knows that it’s easier to say sorry than ask for permission.
Finally, and what goes on in every woman’s head is our never-ending to-do list:
- I am going for micro-blading in two weeks. I will be going to the amazingly beautiful and talented Elri at Hollywood Hair Pretoria (Follow Elri on Instagram).
- I have too many consultations to mention this week.
- I need to keep my diet clean. Which is very difficult with a Coca Cola addiction. Any suggestions on how to kick the habit?
- I will be having quite a challenging conversation this week that I need to have, but I’m not looking forward to.
- My husband is leaving for Japan in a week. Any woman would tell you that alone time is something to look forward to, until the second the Mr is out the door, then you miss them and realise that life is just dull without your best friend.
Have an amazing week lovelies and I hope that your mind is not as busy as mine, and if it is, rest assured that you are a woman and our brains are wired that way. Even though, at times, the wires may cross, we’re phenomenal and one-of-a-kind. So raise a glass and celebrate the beautiful intricate mess you are…