I want to experience just one day like my two-year-old does.
I would wake up everyone in our house with a “Kian, wheeeere are you…” or a similar chant. They would answer my call with a hug and a coffee (I won’t do formula) in a mug which is spill-free so that I can lie down and watch TV while enjoying my morning beverage. Instead of Kian’s normal request of “…watch Ironman…”, Keeping Up With The Kardashians or something similarly brainless would be tuned in for me to enjoy while everyone around me gets ready. I will be dressed in an Instagram worthy OOTD…hold the diaper…and my handbag would be packed for me, as well as my lunch.
Off to Work
I will reluctantly walk to the car after I’ve thrown myself to the floor because I did not want to wear the brand new heels that were bought for me and would work perfectly with my outfit. I want to wear my Ugg-boots. They look ridiculous with the chosen outfit, but that is what I want and the people around me will just accept it, because they won’t fight with me over shoes.
I will be dropped off at work with a warm meal waiting for me as well as a welcoming committee chanting my name and asking me if I slept well.
If people talk to me and I don’t feel like answering them, I will just ignore them. If my boss requests me to do something that I don’t want to do I will be sure to sternly say “No!”, or if I request a leave day and it isn’t approved I will throw myself to the floor and start crying, or if a client is rude I will throw the phone across the office. If someone says something I don’t like I can answer them with “Shush” or “(insert name of idiot here) no!”. “Uh-uh” is also a perfectly acceptable answer and would make up most of my vocabulary.
12:10 is nap-time. Sorry for you and you and your email and your phone call. 12:10 to 14:30 is nap-time, otherwise I get cranky and we wouldn’t want that.
17h00 I will be collected from the office and entertained as soon as we get home; I will be fed* at 18h15 ; 19h15 I will be put in a warm bath, followed by a massage, pajamas and put to bed with a sippy-cup filled with wine, all by 20:00.
*Kindly note that I can be offered whatever my attendants may have prepared, but the final choice is mine and if I want Coco Pops for dinner, then it’s Coco Pops for dinner.
I will sleep until I wake up. If I make a noise during the night I will be met with another sippy cup of some or other warm beverage – hot chocolate will do. If I have a bad dream I will be held close. As soon as I wake up my attendants will be at it again, making me happy, full and comfortable.
I am sure that all a mother really wants for Mother’s Day is to be treated like a two-year-old…wink, wink, nudge, nudge…except maybe the possibility of my tantrums being ignored and being corrected in public…Tinkerbell may die 😉